Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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