im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize