All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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