What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
