I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
