Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
