you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize