i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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