that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
