How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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