Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
