I love black thongs
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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