I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
