and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
