I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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