I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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