1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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