You smell like stripper and shame
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
