Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize