I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
