Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
