i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
