if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
