I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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