I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
