I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my poor anus
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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