Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
