I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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