It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
