I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize