I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
