if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
