ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
