I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
