she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
