there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
