Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
