I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
