he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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