Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
