____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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