So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
