apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
