I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think i have herpe
just one?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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