you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
