Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
