Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
