u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
