White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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