anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize