I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
