I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
