I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
