Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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