those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
