Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
