if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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