I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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