So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
