it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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