he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
