I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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