just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
