Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
