the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
