Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
