You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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