that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
