I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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