Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
