3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
