apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We are two peas in an std pod
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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