They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
