Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize