did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
