watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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