Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
