I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
