His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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