Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
