How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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