I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
