I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
