so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
