One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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