Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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