He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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