end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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