The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
