I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
