How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
