K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
