Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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