I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
