her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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