I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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