I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
