My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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