420 ftw
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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