New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
