Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
