Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
