my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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