Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
