he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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