he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
