Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
