Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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