yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The Olympian is in my bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
