Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
