I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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