I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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