your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
