If i come over, it means nothing
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Randomize
