Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
