Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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