I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
